i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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