The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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