if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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