I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
