I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
