the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
