no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
