sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
