i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
