??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize