I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
