I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wish there were birth control emojis
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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