Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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