Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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