Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
