so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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