You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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