i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
