I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
