I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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