I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
