there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
