A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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