Buhtt sex?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize