11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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