quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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