I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
