I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
