I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Never joke about your clitoris.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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