I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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