we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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