i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
