i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
