I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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