I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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