it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
