spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
