my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize