I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I want a musical about memes.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
