At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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