I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
