Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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