i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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