can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
