I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize