Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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