to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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