I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
