so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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