yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
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