Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
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