I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just cropdusted the office
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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