Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
