So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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