guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
