He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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