is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
