i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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