Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Randomize