I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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