dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
