At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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