there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
