he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
