you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
