so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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