I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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