You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
